The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
One word to husbands reading this: Be brave.
Arguably, the greatest scene in “A Few Good Men” is when Lieutenant Kaffee questions Colonel Jessup on the witness stand.
During Colonel Jessup’s tirade, he growls, “You need me on that wall.”
A wife intuitively understands Colonel Jessup. She needs her husband to possess the courage to climb on that wall.
She rightly believes her husband has been charged by God’s Word to protect all aspects of their marriage and family. Fulfilling that duty requires intentional work and attention.
The wife intuitively knows if her husband chooses not to climb onto the wall, she will need to take a position on the wall.
She also knows it’s a position she shouldn’t have to assume. Let the nagging commence. Let the doors of the man-cave open so he can flee.
All the husband need do is man-up. How so? From Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives…” The husband: “Done. I got this. You call this a challenge?”
But read further: “…just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”
Gulp.
However, the verse isn’t commanding the man to simply do whatever his wife wants. It’s telling the man to look to her needs before he looks to his own needs and wants. Think of being on a sinking ship.
She goes into the lifeboat first. If she wants to do her make-up before getting in the lifeboat, that’s not a need.
It’s the husband’s job to wisely discern that in order to accomplish what’s best: Getting her into the lifeboat, make-up or no make-up.
There are nuts and bolts to this. For example, each morning, the husband asks his wife what he can do to make her day easier.
It’s important she knows he’s willing to come alongside her in a way which ups her chances for a good day.
Practice good communication skills with her. Validate her thoughts. Morning comes and she says she wants you to stay home from work to be with her.
You know that’s impossible, but just saying ‘I can’t’ isn’t enough. Take the time to find out the ‘why.’
Heed the wisdom stated in Ephesians 4:29: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for building up, according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Consistently give grace to your wife.
If you’re apart during the day, check in on her. If her day isn’t going well, ask her what you can do to help. Listen to what she needs.
Suppose you can’t fulfill the need because she’s at home and you’re in the Antarctica herding penguins.
Be thoughtful. When you get home, take a shower (herding penguins is smelly work) before drawing her close.
Always give her long hugs rather than patronizing short ones. Take those twelve inch biceps and draw her close. Let her rest in your security.
Don’t ruin it by speaking or breathing. Just let her rest in your security. At that moment, you are truly being ‘on the wall’ for her.
Know her primary love language. If she’s a words affirmation person, guard your words.
If she’s a quality time person, plan time with her. Kudos to Dr. Gary Chapman for deciphering the five love languages. Use them for her best good!
If you’re a husband, right now you’re smiling. You mean I don’t have to give up duck hunting, or watching a football game, or tinkering in my shop? You do if it keeps you from being on the wall for her.
Truth is, if you succeed in re-awakening the ‘ezer’ within her, she will become your life-saver, your biggest advocate.
She will encourage you to sit in a duck blind all day. Why would she do that? Because she is confident you will always be her champion when she needs it.
Only one path exists for a couple to get to Jesus’ ‘easy yoke’ of marriage. It can only begin when the husband leads by courageously daring to walk the same path of self-sacrifice Jesus walked.
Husbands, memorize Ephesians 5:25. Then live it.