The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
by Sherryanne De La Boise
RESOLUTIONS
This is the week of resolutions, but I find myself still with uncompleted projects from 2020. And, as New Year's Day wears on, I'm learning that others have made resolutions that will require my participation.
For example: Mother has decided to take Medicare up on its offer to provide physical therapy. Since she will not get into a Taxi or Uber while Covid-19 rages, her resolution means that I now have the obligation to drive her and to walk her into the local P.T. center. Each time, the same woman harasses me about the facility's policy of limiting the number of persons attending therapy sessions. Do whole families appear? Does she think that I'm like a puppy who tags along for Mother's every outing?
While on the subject of puppies, for Christmas, I was given a full-grown one. My daughter had a berniedoodle and two labradoodle puppies.
During 2020, those three puppies worked on many renovation projects for her: They dug up the tired floorboards in her living room, having used their own special "inhouse" penetrating liquid on the carpeting; They dug holes for planting trees across her back yard; They completed the removal of the torn screen on the patio door; They even pulled off the carpeting from her stairs, in a day, while she was at work.
After that, my daughter decided that I needed to be awoken every day at 5:30 am as well as a reason for an early morning walk in the snow and sleet.
Yes, for Christmas she gifted to me 71 pounds of uncooked pot-roast, her berniedoodle.
"Just open the door and let him out."
Oh not possible, for he has been trained to tell me when he has to go and expects to be walked. 5:30 a.m., he brings into my bedroom his walking collar and leash, then puts that cold, wet nose right against mine. He has true dog breath. There is no turning over and going back to sleep after that awakening!
She had been feeding her three dogs people food. And, as she presents me with my gift, she tells me that "one of them has diarrhea." Guess which one it was:
After the dog's first night, the front hall carpet (the one I brought back from Thailand instead of luggage) had to be dragged to the garbage. Turned out the dog was a projectile pooper.
My darling daughter "salted" my house with seven "treats" for the dog to find. As I crossed the living room, I tripped over the lower leg bone (and hoof) of a deceased cow. Shrieked so loud that the nearest neighbor must have heard. It was thawing all over Great-great aunt Annie's handmade antique wool Sarouk Persian rug.
Our neighborhood coyote had a feast that night: I took all seven of those feet and legs and knuckles, or whatever joints those were, to the woods and listened to the joyous howls of the pack, as they found them.
This being Christmas wrapping season, the dog discovered the joy of the cardboard roll. Overnight, he works them out of the recycling bin, gifting me with a fresh layer of shredded paper all over the house. He also likes to shred the toes off socks by starlight. I now have a collection of open-toed winter crew socks to wear with my open-toed sandals, when warm weather returns.
On the plus side, I have been trying for years to get my husband to use the designer wicker laundry hamper. He's one of those men whose clothes go into a neatly folded pile, on the floor, in the order in which they were taken off: Shirt, pants, socks, undershirt, and much to the delight of the new dog, underdrawers folded in half, atop the pile.
Whoosh, the dog flies past the pile, taking those undershorts. My husband did not realize this until several pairs later, when he was dressing. The dog had left the elastic and the sides intact. But, he chewed out the crotch. Jumping into his shorts, my husband felt a little breezy. "Your dog has turned my underwear into a miniskirt."
I'm setting aside one of the nicer pairs, because my 2020 resolution was to not be so wasteful. They will be perfect for under his kilt:
One year, I made a resolution to knit-up all those knitting kits that I had acquired (over many years). Scarves, toy animals, lace collars, a Christmas tree skirt, giving them to the intended recipient. Some of those kits were very stylish in the 1970's. I finally finished the Toddler size 2 sweater for a friend's son and mailed it to him at the University of Michigan, where he is on a football scholarship. Packed it with a note of explanation why a big guy was getting such a tiny sweater, it only took 18 years to knit) and some cookies (no, not arrowroot teething biscuits, though I was tempted).
Another year, I spent January and most of February painted like a drag queen. For at New Years, I had decided to use up all of the lotions, potions and cosmetics. Stores used to be so generous with the samples.
My family refers to this as my "Mimi from the Drew Carey Show" stage just because I emerged every day from the bathroom with moisture, eye cream, brow cream, foundation, powder, blush, contour, lip liner, lipstick, gloss, brow pencil, eye liner, mascara and 3 colors of eye shadow.
About Valentine's Day, my husband donated the unopened products to the shelter for battered women, as he was tired of waiting for me to slather on full war paint. "I married you for what's inside:"
Some of the resolutions have stuck with me, like the one to use plastic and glass containers one more time, before sending then to recycling.
We have a cupboard of "one way" and another of "round trip" plastic containers. If I don't think you worthy of my good Tupperware, then you're relegated to the "one way" plastic.
My daughter just caught me folding a flour bag to use again and ordered me to "just throw it out!"
She was embarrassed by my frugality, as I had refused to purchase brown lunch sacks. Oh the tales of being tortured in the cafeteria, just because her lunch came out of a bag with a poof of flour.
I reminded her she missed the point, "It's what's inside that counts (the delicious sandwich)."
My resolution for 2021 is to wear every article of clothing that I own. This should be a very interesting year, as I still have my wedding gown, my prom dress, and yes, even my homemade Easter bonnet!