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Beyond The Picket Fence

-by Sherryanne De La Boise

Finishing Up Certification In Mexico

Last week, I told you about getting certified and my first 22 scuba dives to qualify to dive with National Geographic. What I lacked was 8 more dives and advanced certification.

Convincing my long-suffering husband and his handicapped adult daughter to go to Cozumel, Mexico so I could scuba was not easy. We would have to stay for 14 days to give her time to acclimate. Several months earlier, I had enrolled Alicia in swimming lessons at the YMCA with Handsome Tom. Even I wouldn't mind swimming into his awaiting arms: Alicia, who always sunk to the bottom of any swimming pool was on her way to being water safe. Cozumel offers some fun water activities and has a more permissive attitude towards letting folks with her issues do fun things.

We did not stay at the very affordable scuba hotel. Built to survive major storms, their beds are concrete slabs with air mattresses and bring-your-own bedding and food. Did you know that after a tropical storm, divers from around the world gather up detached plants and coral, then work to repair the reefs? My husband would have been miserable in a concrete hotel, hence we stayed down the street. While my husband performed his morning absolutions, I scuba with the dive hotel, joining him for lunch and afternoon fun.

A booking mistake and sent us to Cancun. Pushing that wheelchair while dragging four heavy suitcases across gravel to get the last ferry to the island of Cozumel was a bad omen.

But, it was the season of the giant whale sharks. Lumbering thick creatures with tiny eyes and ridiculous spotted bodies, a pleasure to gently swim alongside. My husband felt a connection, that the whale shark could see into his soul, as they swam together. Alicia forgot everything she had learned at swim class and started sinking. I was under her, kicking with all my might to keep her afloat until a life ring could be tossed. We hauled her back onto the boat. She was not shaken at all, but I was. She sat and happily munched her sandwich.

We did better with the Mana rays. She was given a sizeable inflatable ring and would submerge her face through the circle, like looking through a porthole window. A well-tipped guide weighed down the other side and did all the kicking to power her around the site. I stayed close by, just in case.

When we left the water, there was the supreme attraction: The gift shop. Never mind lunch, Alicia intended to purchase. Mexicans expect haggling, but she only knows full retail. They can see she is of reduced capacity and still charge her full price. I am furious that they wantonly overcharge her. I give them the items back. They don't want to refund. I leave the items on the counter. In the meantime, Alicia has a total meltdown, on the floor with limbs flailing, a toddler in an adult's body. She wants that pile of jewelry. Total strangers rush in to help and won't let her just cry herself out. Had they listened to me, she would have worked through it and been able to walk to the car. They are insistent on loading sobbing her into a wheelchair and pushing it through the sand. It is bogging down and she is trying to get back to the store by sliding out of the chair. The Good Samaritans are having a real rough time. No good deed goes unpunished.

Now, she is pouty and defiant. Being the step-mother to a spoiled adult has been horrible. Cinderella had her father all to herself, behaving a wife, going to functions all dolled up. When the step-mother supplanted Cinderella, she was very resentful. When expected to do a few household chores (load the laundry and keep her personal items out of the common areas), Cinderella complained all over town that she was expected to do ALL of the household chores. I bet Cinderella threw some mighty tantrums that Disney neglected to include.

Our hotel had a series of gentle ramps, instead of stairs and a walk-in swimming pool. This gave Alicia a new sense of freedom. She had never been at an in-pool bar before and ran up quite a bill socializing with fellow bar flies. By the end of the trip, she had ditched her walker. Amazing what 2 weeks of daily swimming and gentle ramps will do for balance issues.

We took her to swim with the dolphins. Day one was a disaster, as she again only was interested in the gift shop and panicked when we jumped in the fish tank. Sent her back for a second day, after she had purveyed the establishment and after heavily bribing the workers and prepaying for a picture package. Huge success. We have a fabulous picture of her holding onto the fins of two dolphins as they swim with her across the tank. If you look carefully, you can see the guy I bribed to swim with her and make certain she was safe.

We ate at Senior Frog's. This tourist trap is loud music and a la carte everything. Want a sandwich? 200 pesos. Want a glass of water? 20 pesos. They pour cheap shots of booze down you to loosen up your purse strings. Next thing, Alicia is on the dance floor holding hands with the waiters and booging down. By the time she gets back to the table, she has two temporary tattoos on her arms and a button that reads, "The More I Drink, the Better You Look.'

Well, I finished getting the requisite number of dives and took my advanced certification test. This involved swimming a square (hard because of currents) and diving to over 100 feet without getting gassed. I had to use a wax pencil and plastic slate to solve a math problem to prove I was coherent at depth. The other person taking the test got giddy at 90 feet. It was terrifying to watch her. She did not know up from down.

But, I passed and had the requisite number of dives. We were off to Raja Ampat.