The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
by Sherryanne De La Boise
Winning Science Fair is addictive, but a weird ride. After winning at Regionals, the next year, I won at State with an exhibit on Acupuncture. One judge reached behind my display board to pull apart the electrical components that illuminated how acupuncture meridians work. As I rebuilt the display, he peppered me with strange questions. I never competed again, until my children came along:
My child was assigned investigating which brand of vacuum was the best. Her results were inconclusive, because the dog gobbled up spilled food faster than she could vacuum.
We went to Regionals when my child was assigned investigating weight loss. Titled the exhibit: "Want to Lose 20 pounds fast? Go to the Moon, Ride an Elevator or Chop off your Head."
Got three bathroom scales from the Salvation Army store and cracked them open. Never expected it to be so cathartic. Women are dominated by those numbers on that dial. And, it's just a couple of springs and metal bars that control that dial. . It's like seeing the Great Oz behind the curtain.
80 pounds on Earth was 72 pounds on Venus (similar size planet), the Sun was 2,166 (horrors, so glad I would melt before I reached that tonnage), and the lovely Moon was 13 pounds. We did these calculations for every demarcation of ten pounds on each scale thereby recalibrating each scale. It was fun to watch folks step onto those scales.
Took those bathroom scales to the Sears Tower. Thought we might weight more 100 stories in the air. Nope. However, did you know that you weigh less on the elevator ride down? Gained several pounds on the way up, but from now on, am only going to let the doctor weigh me in an elevator going down.
Some years, our topic is lame, but we learn a lot.
We purchased the "Study your Cat' science fair kit.
The first experiment concerned a cat learning its name. For two weeks, we were to feed the cat in different locations while calling its name. No dice. Clark Kat knew when anyone was near the cat food bag. He could be three blocks away. If you touched that bag, before you could even think his name, bam, he was at your ankles, purring as if you were his best friend.
Next came teaching Clark Kat to use the toilet. That actually worked. Well, until my husband, the only time in his life, put the seat down. They had a strained relationship. Clark Kat always took my side in any disagreement: He would poop on the floor beside the bed, or chair or wherever my husband was sleeping. So that when my husband awoke, the first thing he did was step into it. I always loved that cat.
The final "experiment" was to document the cat's daily routine. By 5 am, Clark Kat could be found standing on my husband's chest. Definitely disappointed when he awoke, "Drats, Dry food again."
Notebook in hand, my child followed that cat into an adjacent field where Clark Kat hunted. He regularly gifted me with a bird or bunny. Placed it right on top of the washing machine. Who really pays attention when approaching laundry equipment? Startled, I would scream, throwing hands in the air, dirty laundry flying everywhere, as I jumped backwards.
During the week he was tailed, thank heavens he did not go hunting. Instead, Clark Kat crossed the alley to a screened window to meow loudly with the neighbor's cat.
Tiring of that, he crossed the street to join a neighbor on her back porch for her morning cigarette and get fed a few treats. I was furious. I had spent a ton of money getting him SlimCat.
This was the neighbor who accused Clark Kat of paternity. The Vet said, "It's not possible." "Why not?" demanded my very young children. I don't know if you have ever been in that situation where you are hoping that the innocence of youth will not be destroyed, but I was sweating bullets: "Clark Kat still has his baby teeth. You can't be anyone's father, if you still have your baby teeth."
Clark Kat spent the afternoon under the hosta by the front walk, waiting to pounce an unsuspecting passing dog and ride on it's back down the block, with the hapless owner in pursuit.
All of this was summarized for the science fair, complete with photographs of him in action. The display had a battery operated motor that rotated a fur-covered Styrofoam cat head with glass marble eyes, like Linda Blair in the "Exorcist.' Absolutely ridiculous.
And you know that exhibit made it to Regionals and went on to State!