The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings ta ever one in western Illinois and all readers of "The Quill."
I'm a hope'n this letter finds ya all rested and ready for some nice fall weather as harvest approaches,
I heard that a few early birds have began their harvest activities in order ta be finished with their many obligations in acerage before the snow flys.
Last week, one of the ag newspapers said a feller in Roseville, Ron Moore, hand-shelled some early corn around the 6th of September to find it was 31% moisture say'n corn is still be'n stuborn, as on the 12th, corn was only down to 30% moisture.
Cloudy days and shorter days sure aren't help'n dry things out-and then there's this weekend's rain.
Some of ya might have needed a little rain but, if'n ya didn't get enough rain, maybe there was some satisfaction in look'n off in the distance and watch'n yer neighbor get a nice shower. This past weekend the rain came help'n gardeners who still have flowers and vegetable gardens, etc.
But the latest moisture reports fer corn is what the grain farmers are check'n.
CLASSIFIED HUMOR
Classified ads sometimes can be a source of humor. The follow'n ads showed up in U.K. newspapers. See if'n ya thinks British humor hits the spot.
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bugger Bites!
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES:
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED:
Also, 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer Ä100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes, Excellent condition. $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
KIDS HUMOR
On top of that, a feller can always find humor in children fer their quick responses can be thought provoke'n. Art Linkletter demonstrated this point time and time again.
Some humorous examples of childrens responses are as follows:
TEACHER:
"Why are you late?"
STUDENT:
"Class started before I got here."
TEACHER:
"John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?"
JOHN:
"You told me to do it without using tables."
TEACHER:
"If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
EDDIE:
"A drinking problem."
OLD TEACHER:
"If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"
JIM:
"It is obviously past."
TEACHER:
"Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?"
DONALD:
"HIJKLMNO."
TEACHER:
"What are you talking about?"
DONALD:
"Yesterday, you said it's H to O."
TEACHER:
"Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago."
WINNIE:
"Me!"
TEACHER:
"Glen, why do you always get so dirty?"
GLEN:
"Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
TEACHER:
"George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS:
"Because George still had the axe in his hand."
TEACHER:
"Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"
SIMON:
"No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook."
TEACHER:
"Clyde, your composition on "My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's: Did you copy his?"
CLYDE:
"No sir. It's the same dog."
PETER:
"My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
That last one sure must of hurt that little feller who was not take'n his ma serious!
THE TROOPER AND THE SPEEDER
Well Cornelius Farkwad brought in news he was given by a cousin of his from Kentucky and shared it with the boys.
A State Trooper in Kentucky pulled over a Man for Speeding one afternoon.
After the car pulled over the officer took the Gentleman out of the car and told him to put his hands on the hood of his car.
The Trooper told the man, "Sir, the reason I stopped your vehicle is you were going 80 miles over the posted speed limit and it took me miles and miles to catch up to you!"
The man looked at the Officer and said, "I'm sure sorry Officer but there's a good reason why I was Speeding"
The Officer looked at the Man and said, "If ya can give me one good reason why you were Speeding that fast, I will let you off with a warning."
The man began to explain....
"A few years ago my wife ran off with a State Trooper and when I saw you in my rearview mirror I panicked. I thought You Were Bringing Her Back!"
The officer LAUGHING told the man, "Have a Nice Day!"
I don't think I'd try that one with our Illinois law officials. The boys said, only in Kentucky!
Well, that's it fer this week. Hope'n ta see ya in church this weekend.
Remember, where ever ya is, what ever ya be a do'n,
BE A GOOD ONE!
Keep on smile'n,
Catch ya later,
BARNYARD BRUKE