The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings ta ever one in western Illinois and all readers of "The Quill".
Well, here we are in the first full week of March already. March 1st tax time has been extended to April 15 by fill'n out a special report. That gives a little more time to generate some cash by sell'n grain ta pay them taxes, if'n ya has any ta pay.
March 10th of next week is daylight savings time. Don't forget ta adjust yer clocks. Two weeks from now is the first day of Spring. Many folk are a hope'n that brings with it some warmer weather.
With all the snow up north, many fellers, especially those on bottom lands, are a wonder'n if'n some rain comes along with all that snow up there, might we see flood'n down here. Well, time will tell on that one.
A young woman submitted the follow'n tech message as a joke about her relationship to her husband:
The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry apps, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed un-desirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue apparently from a well-seasoned married tech individual):
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the application Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please not that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-in-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck!
All of this tech stuff take some deep thinking.
Heres some quotes that may be you've fergotten. Maybe its helpful ta remind ya of em with their deeper mean'n:
"Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it." --Ronald Reagan
"Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.' -- Ronald Reagan
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.; --Ronald Reagan
"Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong. --Ronald Reagan
"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress..--Ronald Reagan
"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take the civil service examination'--Ronald Reagan
"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other'--Ronald Reagan
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first'--Ronald Reagan
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it'--Ronald Reagan
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.'--Ronald Reagan
"No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'--Ronald Reagan
"If we ever forget that we're one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.'--Ronald Reagan
That's all fer this weeks column. March 1 came in like a lamb-sunshine and all. I'm anxious ta see how it goes out.
Hope'n ta see ya in the church of yer choice this week..
Remember "Wherever ya are, whatever ya be a do'n, "BE A GOOD ONE!'
Keep on Smile'n
Catch ya later
Barnyard Bruke