The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings ta ever one in western Illinois and all readers of "The Quill".
Here we are in the last week of February. Next week is tax time for many farmers. Here follows some tax time humor:
Tax Time Humor
Amazing, but true, if you think about it, and it shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.
The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question,..."Do you have anyone dependent on you?"
The man wrote:..."2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington and the entire group that call themselves Politicians".
IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.
The man's response back was, "Who did I leave out?"
With that thought, here is more enterest'n statistics.
Thoughts of tax time:
WalMart vs. The 535 Legisletures
Very interesting!!
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at WalMart every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. WalMart will sell more from January 1, to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th), than Target sells all year.
4. WalMart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. WalMart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's largest private employeer, and most speak English.
6. WalMart is the largest company in the history of the world.
7. WalMart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years.
8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. WalMart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. WalMart has approx. 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had five years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur at WalMart stores. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a WalMart.
You may think that this is complaining, but it really lays the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run WalMart to fix the economy.
This should be read and understood by all Americans, Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE1
To the 535 voting members of the Legislature:
It is now official that the majority of you are inept for these reasons:
a. The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 244 years to get it right and it is broke.
b. Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 84 years to get it right and it is broke.
c. Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 81 years to get it right and it is broke.
d. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 55 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" and they only want more.
e. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 54 years to get it right and they are broke.
f. Freddie Mac was established in 1970, You have had 49 years to get it right and it is broke.
You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down the American citizens throats while overspending their tax dollars!!!
Now you want Americans to believe you can be trusted with a government run health care system?
AND:
I know what's possibly wrong. We have lost our minds to "Political Correctness"!!!!!!!!!!.
Someone please tell what's wrong with all the people that run this country.
We're "broke" and can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless, etc., ???????
In recent times, we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile, and Turkey, Pakistan.......previous home of Bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!
Our retired seniors living on a "fixed income' receive no aid nor do they get any breaks.
AMERICA: a country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry, elderly going without "needed' meds, mentally ill without treatment, etc, etc.
Imagine if the *Government* gave its citizens the same support they give to other countries.
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
With that, here's an eye opener concerning one of our own 50 United States that is self-destructing:
Bloopers!
Ta end this weeks column with some humor and lighter notes, here are some church bulletin bloopers and/or announcements:
The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forgot the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The associate minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
There ya have it then-That's all fer this weeks column.
Hope'n ta see ya in the church of yer choice soon.
Remember "Wherever ya are, whatever ya be a do'n, "BE A GOOD ONE!'
Keep on Smile'n
Catch ya later
Barnyard Bruke