The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.



The Wisdom of Barnyard Bruke: Autumn Is Here, Yield Reports, Something Ta Think About, Facts and Humor, Two Tough Questions

Greetings ta ever one in western Illinois and all readers of "The Quill".

AUTUMN IS HERE

Autumn officially began last Saturday the 22nd.

Yield Report

The harvest'n machines are a run'n full tilt on both corn and soybeans.

Some corn fields are test'n as low as 13% and go'n straight ta the bin.

Yields are as high as 290 bpa dry over the scale, but the average a feller hears is in the 240 bpa or so.

The harvest I've heard is 174 bpa. I think I noticed a tear in that feller's eye when he reported it, in spite of the 1 government subsidy (50 up front, 50 maybe).

He never said anything about his Govt. Crop insurance, whether he had it or not, and at what levels of yield and price.

Lets hope he had something, but its hard to beat a combination of good yields and a decent price (which we don't have).

Soybean yields have been reported really high. One feller reported 90 bpa, but ya most often hear 60-70 depend'n on rainfall and maturity. Frequent reports around 80 bpa are also reported.

In North IA, and there abouts, they continue to be get'n drenched with rainfall. That is not good fer them, but they are a tough agressive bunch and will get with it if'n and when it ever dries out.

Something Ta Think About

Here is something ta think about whilst ya are wait'n on repairs fer the combine:

Eleven teens die each day because of texting while driving. Maybe it's time ta raise the age of Smartphone ownership to 21.

If gun control laws actually worked, Chicago would be Mayberry.

The Second Amendment makes more women equal than the entire feminist movement.

Legal gun owners 300 million guns and probably a trillion rounds of ammo. Seriously, folks, if gun ownership were the problem, you'd know it.

When JFK was killed, nobody blamed the rifle.

The NRA murders 0 people and receives $0 in government funds. Planned Parenthood kills 350,000 babies every year and receives $500,000,000 in tax dollars annually.

A feller has no problem with vigorous background checks when it comes to firearms. While we're at it, let's do the same when it comes to immigration and voter I.D.

You don't need a smoke detector, that's what the fire department is for. Now...If'n you think that sounds stupid, you know how someone feels when you say they don't need a gun.

Folks keep talking about another Civil War. One side knows how to shoot and has a trillion bullets. The other side has crying closets and is confused about which bathroom to use. How do you think that's going to end?

Just asking, whilst wait'n on repairs.

There ya have it then, and if'n ya have read those thoughts thus far and the combine repairs are yet ta come here is some facts mixed with humor ta relieve yer tension:

Facts and Humor

1. Life is not fair! It never was and never with be because if life was "fair" we would die in the order we was born!

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after ya wear them a while."

3. "If ya take your hands off the car, I'll make yer birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If ya run, you'll only go ta jail tired."

5. "Can ya run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that will chasing ya."

6. "Ya don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, ya can talk ta the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! Ya want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not ta do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer ta this last question will determine whether ya are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me ta be fair? Listen, fair is a place where ya go ta ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those "two beers' ya say ya had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed ta write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad ta hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post yer bail."

AND THE WINNER IS...

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Two Tough Questions

And now fer two tough Questions

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant,

Who had 8 kids already,

Three who were deaf,

Two who were blind,

One mentally retarded,

And she had syphilis,

Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A:

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.

He's had two mistresses,

He also chain smokes

And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B:

He was kicked out of office twice,

Sleeps until noon,

Used opium in college, and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C:

He is a decorated war hero.

He's a vegetarian,

Doesn't smoke

Drinks an occasional beer, And never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first..No peeking, and then read down for the response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?

Makes a person think before judging someone.

Remember:

Amateurs...Built the ark.

Professionals..Built the Titanic

Now that's something ta think about fer a spell.

Have a safe harvest this week and beyond. We have much ta be thankful for.

See ya in the church of yer choice later this week.

Remember, wherever ya are, whatever ya be a do'n "BE A GOOD ONE!"

Keep on Smile'n

Catch ya later

BARNYARD BRUKE