The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

The Wisdom of Barnyard Bruke: Memories of Memorial Day, Microsoft Vs. Ford, Boswell D. Rabbitsmith

Greetings ta ever one in western Illinois and all readers of "The Quill."

Here we are, Memorial Day is past us and June is upon us.

A lot of farmers finished plant'n their soybean seeds on "Memorial Day", cut and/or baled their hay, and gotta good start on their second round of spray'n their crops.

Special services were held round about and breakfast meals ta raise funds here and there. We are blessed ta live in Western Illinois and enjoy the liberty ta do what we want, when we want, and where we want.

A number of fellers went fish'n with their chillens and grandchillens. I hear they had good luck and built on good memories.

The tradition of the "Bruke" family is ta visit all the cemeteries with family members and loved ones paying our respect to the deceased. That includes seven (7) cemeteries with flowers placed on the gravesites of each stone.

The "Bruke" family arrived in America in 1710 and fought in three (3) wars before we was officially the United States. Family members then fought in ever war since includin' the one go'n on in the Middle East at this time.

It would be enterest'n if'n those warriors could see their country now that they fought fer.

Do ya suppose they would've ever imagined it ta be as it is now?

None-the-less they sacrificed then as the occasions arose and no doubt they would again as circumstances required.

Microsoft vs. Ford

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.......Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, ya would have ta buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before ya could continue. For some reason ya would simply accept it..

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car ta shut down and refuse ta restart, in which case you would have ta reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive-but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Preformed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are ya sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock ya out and refuse ta let you in until ya simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have ta learn how ta drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have ta press the "Start' button ta turn the engine off.

PS-I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how ta fix your car yourself!!!!

There ya have it then, Mr. Gates, ya might want ta share these thoughts with a friend who loves-but sometimes hates-their computer!

If you're familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems: (He also makes his living as a comedian by the name of Steve Wright)

1-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2-Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

3-Half the people you know are below average.

4-99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5-82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6-A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7-A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8-If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9-All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11-I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12-OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13-How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14-If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15-Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16-When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.

17-Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.

18-Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19-I intend to live far, so good.

20-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21-Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22-What happens if you get scared half to death.....twice?

23-My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24-Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27-Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28-The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29-To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30-The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

31-Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

32-If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Well, that's about it fer this weeks column. I'm a hope'n it brought a smile and lets ya greet your neighbor and friends with a good attitude. Prepare fer June and get them flowers planted and fruit trees sprayed.

Have a safe week. Hope'n ta see ya in church. Remember; wherever ya are, whatever ya be a do'n "BE A GOOD ONE!"

Keep on Smile'n

Catch ya later

Barnyard Bruke