The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings ta ever one in western Illinois and all readers of "The Quill."
Rainy season is upon us and its a force'n ever one to be patient with their garden'n and field work. It does allow time fer finish'n trim'n the fruit trees and cutt'n on the grape arbor. It sure is nice have'n the influx of spring birds a make'n pretty noises to attract their mates.
Prayer By A 15 Year Old
The Lord's prayer is not allowed in most schools anymore because the word "God' is mentioned. A young 15 year old got an A+ fer this rendition of a new school prayer.
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene..
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited
by the United States
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..
Guns are allowed, but
Not the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
It's "inappropriate' to teach right from wrong
We're taught that such "judgments' do not belong
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot;
My soul please take!
Amen
Well, the boys and I are just gonna have ta reflect on that youngster's thoughts fer a spell.
In the mean time maybe some of you folks might think that men just seem ta be happier people. Well, here is some thoughts on why that might be so.
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
Nicknames
-If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
-If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
Eating Out
-When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
-When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
-A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
-A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
Bathrooms
-A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
-The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Arguments
-A woman has the last word in any argument.
-Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Future
-A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
-A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Marriage
-A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
-A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
Dressing Up
-A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
-A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
-Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
-Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
-Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
-A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought For The Day:
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
I reckon after dwell'n on that prayer the boys will get a chuckle over why men are happier.
Mother-In-Law Problems
There is a man in our community who lives in constant fear that Trump will deport his Latino mother-in-law who he tells lives at 1837 3rd St, LA 90023 in the blue house and she gets off work and is home by 6:30.
Well that's enough humor fer this week.
Hope'n ta see youn's in church this week.
Remember: Wherever ya are, whatever ya be a do'n, "BE A GOOD ONE!"
Keep on Smile'n
Catch ya later
Barnyard Bruke