The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

The Wisdom Of Barnyard Bruke: "Reflections, Describe Your Wife, Ole Turns Catholic"

Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill.

March is not over yet and neither is remnants of winter weather.


Last weeks column included, "The Price of A Smile". The column was filled at that point so I held over ta this week additional "Reflections" on a smile by Henry Ward Beecher.

"Nothing on earth can smile but man. Gems may flash reflected light, but what is a diamond flash compared to an eye flash or the flash of mirth? Flowers cannot smile: this is a charm that even they cannot claim. It is the prerogative of man. It is the color which love wears, and cheerfulness, and joy-these three. It is the light in the windows of the face by which the heart signifies it is at home and waiting. A face that cannot smile is like a bud that cannot blossom and dries up on the stalk. Laughter is day and gloom is night, but a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both....more bewitching than either".

Describe Your Wife

There ya has it then, more thoughts on smile'n. With that, here's an enterest'n event on a feller who was missing his wife.

The husband went ta the sheriffs department ta report that his wife was missing. He told she went shopp'n yesterday and has not come home....

The sergeant asked what her height is? The husband reported, "Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall, I think."

The sergeant asked for her weight? The husband reported, "Don't really know. Not slim, not really fat."

The sergeant asked about the color of her eyes? The husband reported, "Sort of brown I think, Never really noticed."

The sergeant asked what color of her hair? The husband reported, "Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember."

The sergeant asked what was she wearing? The husband reported, "Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly."

The sergeant then asked, "What kind of car did she go in? The husband quickly reported, "She went in my truck."

The sergeant asked what kind of truck was it? The husband promptly reported, "A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4x4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching after-market bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Tailoring package with gold hitch and special wiring hookups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, On Star, blue tooth, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel-well lighting."

At this point the husband started choking up. The kindly sergeant then replied, "Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck."

Ole Turns Catholic

And then there is Ole. He was quite the proud hunter. Each Friday night after work, Ole would fire up his barbecue on the shore of Arthurs Lake and cook a venison steak. All of Ole's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over the neighborhood and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran and raised a Lutheran but now you are a Catholic."

Ole's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and he rushed over to Ole's place clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You vuz born a deer, you vuz raised a deer, but now you is a rainbow trout."

There ya has it then....I'm a hope'n this column brought a smile ta you that ya can share and wear fer a spell as ya goes throughout your time.

Have a good week, take time ta be sociable ta all and wear a smile. Hope'n ta see ya in church this weekend. Wherever ya is, what ever ya be a do'n, "BE A GOOD ONE!

Keep on Smile'n

Catch ya later

Barnyard Bruke