The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

The Wisdom Of Barnyard Bruke: "WISDOM & HUMOR AND MILITARY WISDOM"

Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill. I'm a hope'n your week is a go'n fine thus far and you are enjoy'n the milder temperatures that March has brought us.

I'm also a hope'n ever one enjoyed their corn beef and cabbage Monday next week fer St. Patrick's Day.

Spring is finally here on the calendar this Thursday and with the clock adjustment last Sunday, more daylight fer what ever pleases ya.

Youngsters should be a startin' their baseball games.

Sounds like a good chance to see some first hand Civil War History at the local schools this Friday as Dessa's been work'n hard gather'n sponsors to bring history of the 150 year old war to life with two professional Civil War Generals presenting a lively discussion as General Robert E. Lee and General Ulysses S. Grant. She has the schedule in last week's and this week's paper and it's free, thanks to local sponsors, so you's can come.


There is two bits of wisdom I must share with you'ns fer this week:


A little feller asked his paw after be'n put to bed fer the night - "Dad, I'm thirsty. Can I have a drink of water??' His paw replied "I've told ya no fer the last time! If'n ya asks me again, I'll have to smack ya!!'

Five minutes later....Daaaa-aaaad....'What' his paw replied!! "When ya comes in ta smack me could ya bring along a good drink of water?'

A daughter of a liberated feminist activist, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Johnson's daughter. Her radical feminist mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Johnson.'

The next day the minister of their church met the little girl in the library and said "aren't you Mr. Johnson's daughter?' She replied, "I thought I was, but recently my mother informed me I'm not.'

On the way back from a Cub Scout meet'n a young feller said to his paw, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?"

After his paw hemmed and hawed fer a while, the young feller finally spoke up in disgust, "Ya don't have to make up somethin' dad. It's ok if' ya don't know the answer."

Military Wisdom

"If the enemy is in range, so are you.'

-Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'

-U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'

-General MacArthur

"You, you, and you...Panic. The rest of you, come with me.'

-U.S.Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways.'

U.S. Army Ordinance Manual

"Five second fuses only last three seconds.'

-Infantry Journal

"The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you.'

-Basic Flight Training Manual

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once'.

-Maritime Ops Manual

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

-Unknown Marine Recruit

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.'

-USAF Ammo Troop

"Yea, Through I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'

-Sign over SR71 Wing Ops

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'

-Paul F. Crickmore

(SR71 test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

-Unknown author

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter--and therefore, unsafe.'

-Fixed Wing Pilot

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'

-Multi-Engine Training Manual

"Without ammunition, the USAF is just an expensive flying club.'

-Unknown author

"If you hear me yell: "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echoes.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because you're the pilot.'

-Pre-flight Briefing from a 104 Pilot

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but if ATC screws up, ...the pilot dies.'

-Sign over Control Tower Door

"Never trade luck for skill.'

-Author Unknown

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

-Basic Flight Training Manual

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation - we have never left one up there!'

-Unknown author

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'

-Emergency Checklist

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'

-Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'

-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB.AZ

-If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

-Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

-Lead-in Fighter Training Manual

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, What happened?' The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!'

Thar ya has it then, a little bit of humor to spruce up your week, hopefully.


One final thing on the serious side. Remembers to vote Tuesday, but if'n polotitians come around and ask fer your support financially or yer vote, think about this: Ask them if'n they will work aggressively to change law make'n the heads of administrative positions, elected rather than appointed.

Start with the head of EPA, OSHA, DNR and any other ya can think of. That is democracy as our forefathers fought for!

If'n that polotitian won't trust the voters in make'n the right decisions on the folks who are really affect'n your everyday life - well, they don't deserve your votes or your finance money. Dwell on it fer a spell and think about what our found'n fathers would say.

That's it fer this column. Keep on smile'n and hope to see you'ns in church this week.

Where ever ya is, whatever ya be do'n "BE A GOOD ONE!'

Catch ya later