The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill.
I'm a hope'n this column finds ya all in good spirits.
The boys pointed out recently two short sentences they feel speak volumes about our culture:
Two Sentences
1. We are advised to not judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics.
2. Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is gonna run out of money, but do we ever hear about welfare running out of money?
What's enterest'n is Social Security recipients worked fer their money and welfare recipients often did not.
The first sentence reminded me of two posters on gun control I saw some time ago:
These posters give a person some things to think about whilst this current administration is try'n daily to take away our rights.
Polotics
One of the fellers in the coffee shop pointed out OBAMA's life before polotics:
OBAMA'S LIFE BEFORE POLITICS
Obama's Father = Anti Colonialist
Obama's Mother = Communist
Obama's Grandmother= Communist
Obama's Grandfather= Communist
Obama's Mentor= Communist
Obama's Pastor= Black Liberation Theologist
Obama's Ghost Writer= Terrorists
After make'n those points he asked,
"What part of this equation make ya think he shares the same ideals as you or I?"
"What part of this equation makes you think he appreciates capitalism or individuality?
Presidential
Lie'n Contest
Well, not to be one to sit idly by without contribute'n to the conversation, Cornelius Farkwad presented the boys with the follow'n presidential lies and asked those to point out the winner.
LBJ:
a. We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin)
Nixon:
a. I am not a crook
GHW Bush:
a. Read my lips - No New Taxes
Clinton:
a. I did not have sex with that woman...Miss Lewinski
GW Bush:
a. Iraq has weapons of mass destruction
Obama:
a. I will have the most transparent administration in history
b. The stimulus will fund shovel - ready jobs.
c. I am focused like a laser on creating jobs.
d. The IRS is not targeting anyone.
e. It was a spontaneous riot about a movie.
f. If I had a son.
g. I will put an end to the type of politics that "breeds division, conflict and cynicism".
h. You didn't build that!
i. I will restore trust in government.
j. The Cambridge cops acted stupidly.
k. The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my desk.
l. It's not my red line - it is the world's red line.
m. Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration.
o. I am not spying on American citizens.
p. Obama Care will be good for America.
q. You can keep your family doctor.
r. Premiums will be lowered by $2500.
s. If you like it, you can keep your current healthcare plan.
t. It's like shopping at Amazon.
u. I knew nothing about "Fast and Furious" gunrunning to Mexican drug cartels.
v. I knew nothing about IRS targeting conservative groups.
w. I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi.
x. I have never known my uncle from Kenya who is in the country illegally and that was arrested and told to leave the country over 20 years ago.
y. And, I have never lived with that uncle he finally admitted (12-05-2013) that he DID live with him.
And the biggest one of all:
z. "I, Barack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America."
With that it was easy fer the entire coffee shop to declare a winner!
Coyote Principle
Now lets move on to "The Coyote Principle' when compare'n Illinois to Texas:
Illinois
The Governor of Illinois is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
He calls animal control.
Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases.
The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish and Game conducts a $200,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes.
PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.
Texas
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that folks is why Illinois is broke and Texas is not.
That's it fer this week. The boys has given me much to contemplate and reflect on. Some how it seemed simpler when I only had to dwell on the cold weather and snow.
Wherever ya is, whatever ya be a do'n, Be a good one!
Keep on Smile'n and hope to see ya in church this week.
Catch ya Later
BARNYARD BRUKE
Obama Care
Me and the boys saw recently an enterest'n description of Obama Care put together in one long sentence by Dr. Barbara Bellar. It went as follows:
"Let me get this straight. We are gonna be gifted with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't, which reportedly will cover at least ten million more people without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman sez he doesn't understand it, passed by a congress that didn't read it, but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, for which we will be taxed for four years before any benefits take affect, by the government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke, so what in the world could possibly go wrong."
Well, I guess that's an enterest'n way of putt'n together sentence structure. As fer it's content, it raises some very enterest'n questions as well. As fer me and the boys I guess we've got plenty of time to discuss her thoughts betwixt now and spring, what is a rush'n fast upon us.
The Deaf Wife Problem
Elmer feared his wife Luella wasn't hear'n as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hear'n aid. Not quite sure how to delicately approach her, he called their family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple informal test Elmer could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hear'n loss.
"Here's what ya do', said the doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speak'n tone, see if'n Luella hears ya. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until ya gets a response.'
That even'n Luella was in the kitchen cook'n dinner, and Elmer was in the den. He sez to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens'. Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's fer dinner?'
No response.
So Elmer moves closer to the kitchen about 30 feet from Luella and repeats, "Luella, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dine'n room where he is about 20 feet from Luella and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away, "Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So Elmer walks right up behind her, "Luella, what's fer dinner?'
"Fer goodness sake, Elmer, sez Luella, fer the FIFTH straight time, CHICKEN?'
Power Outage
Cornelious Farkwad said that he heard that Mr. Short Britches with his hat on backwards came into the coffee shop the other day to report that he had a power cut at his place that morning and his PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & his new surround sound music system had all shut down.
He told the boys that he discovered that his new fancy iPhone's battery was flat too.
He said he went into the kitchen to make coffee and then he remembered, that it also needed power, so he just sat down and talked with his wife for a few hours.
He told the boys, "You know, she seems like a pretty nice person."
Me and the boys, we just shook our heads.
Ole and Lena
Cornelious said, that reminds me of a story I heard about Ole and his wife Lena.
Ole was driving a wagonload of wheat to town when a wheel was caught in the ditch and overturned. Sven saw it and came out to inspect a little.
"Hey, Ole," he called out. "I'll help you turn the wagon back over and fill it up again. But I'm about to eat dinner. Why don't you come and have dinner with me? Then we'll go to work."
"Thank you, Sven," Ole answered, "but I don't think Lena would like me to."
"Oh, come on!" Sven insisted.
"OK," Ole finally agreed, "but Lena won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Ole thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Lena's going to be upset," he said.
"Don't worry so much," said Sven. "By the way, where is she?"
"Under the wagon," said Ole.
Well, there ya has it fer this week.
Wherever ya is, what ever ya be a do'n BE A GOOD ONE!
Keep on Smile'n and hope to see ya in church this week.
Catch ya Later
Barnyard Bruke