The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
The Wisdom Of Barnyard Bruke: "IT'S OFFICIALLY AUTUMN, THE WIT OF PHYLLIS DILLER"
Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill.
I'm a hope'n ever one is satisfied with our last rain. Some folk had over 1 inch and others around .6.
It's enough to green up the grass and get a good start on make'n things look pretty once again.
It's Officially Autumn
Most folk has finish cutt'n silage fer winter needs. Some is a think'n on one last quick cutt'n of hay to make up fer that what was lost from heavy rains last spring.
Some corn has been harvested and I've heard reported yields from as low as 90 bushels per acre to as high as 276 bushel per acre. The low yields are be'n blamed on poor GMO root worm control, even though additional insecticide was applied with the planter. Poor root mass, as a result of insect damage, along with prolonged dryness, is not a good combination fer satisfactory yields.
I'm told the seed company with poor GMO root worm controlled has offered to provide reimbursement seed fer next cropp'n year. The question is just how much seed can a person plant to make up fer those kind of yield losses. A feller could run outta land to use it on. Besides, if free seeds next year results once again in poor yields, is that any kind of compensation. Catch me once and hold you responsible. Catch me twice and blame meself fer repeat'n the mistake.
The Wit of Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller had some interest'n humor. Hows about I share some of it with youn's as follows:
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.
- As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
- A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.
- A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
- I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
- Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
- Aim high, and you won't shoot our foot off.
- Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just ben robbed.
- We spent the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
- You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
- I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
- What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
- I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
- His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
- Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
- My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
- There's so little money in my bank account my scenic checks show a ghetto.
- I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
- My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
- My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
- Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
- I asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?" he said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass."
- The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
- You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Well so much fer Phyllis Diller. She has some interest'n thoughts.
Be thankful fer your many Bless'ns and I'm a hope'n to see ya all in church this week.
Keep on Smilen
Catch ya Later