The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

The Wisdom Of Barnyard Bruke: "LAWS OF LIFE, GOSSIP SOLUTION, A TRUE REFLECTION OF WORTH, TO YOUR CRACKPOT FRIENDS."

Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill. Harvest progress's rapidly and a few fellers has finished bring'n in their corn and soybeans fer the 2013 season. Many bless'ns have been reported in those categories.

Laws of Life

How many of youn's has given much thought to the "Laws of Life"? Well, to stimulate your grey matter on the subject I give you the follow'n simple laws:

• Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
• Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
• Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
• Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
• Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
• Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
• Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
• Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
• Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
• Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
• The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
• Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
• Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
• Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
• Brown's Law of Physical Appearances - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
• Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!
• Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!
• Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay stick.

There ya has it then. Can youn's relate to any of them laws?

Church Gossip

Has any of ya ever got bit by a gossip? Frank came up with an enterest'n way to solve the problem. Here is his solution:

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He simply said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home...and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Frank!) What do ya suppose Mildred had to say about that?

A True Reflection of Worth

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

"Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house'.

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

That's it fer this weeks column. Continue practice'n safety and brotherly love. Have a good week and hope'n to see ya in church this week.

Keep on Smile'n

Catch ya later

Barnyard Bruke