The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill.
I'm a hope'n ever one enjoyed Heritage Trail events this past weekend. There shore was plenty to do and see throughout the weekend. There's no place like Henderson County! It's the Best of the Best.
A little bit of rain tried to dampen the enthusiasm but it's been so scarce around these parts that ever one seemed to just sit back and marvel at it. True joy seemed to flow forth from ever ones hearts. And, if'n ya didn't get enough to eat last weekend, it was your own fault.
The boys was particularly gleeful at a gather'n we had over the weekend celebrate'n Heritage Trail. Whilst pause'n at one of the events Bill Jones shared with us fellers the follow'n yarn about a lady who lost her glasses a while back. Her daughter had been after her mom to do somethin' useful with her idle time to spice up her life a bit in her old age.
Talking about her "doing something useful" seems to be her daughters favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of mom" and suggested she go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
She did this and when she got home last night she decided to teach her daughter a lesson about staying out of her mom's business. She e-mailed her daughter and told her that she had joined a Parachute Club. She replied, "Are you nuts? You are about 72 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" Mom told her that she even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her. The daughter immediately telephoned her mom, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man," mom said, "I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do....I signed up for five jumps a week." The line went quiet and her daughters friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted. Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
Well, Buster Jigs, sez to Bill Jones, "Your humor has lit up my day. Now, I'm a gonna share with you fellers some enterest'n advice I picked up at my last visit to the doctor, who happened to be Chinese. I asked him the follow'n questions and he answered them in a most enterest'n way".
Buster Jigs' new doctor.
LOVE THIS DOCTOR
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is that true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it...Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one...If you have two body, your ratio two to two.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You craze?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! "Round is shape"!
Well sez Buster Jigs, "I hope that has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food, diets, and exercise."
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways--fish'n pole in one hand--trusted hunt'n gun in the other--body thoroughly used up, and totally worn out and screaming...."WAA-HOO, What A Ride!!"
NUTRITIONAL OBSERVATIONS AND...
For those of you folk who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Eat drink and do what you like. It is a speakin' English that's apparently what kills ya.
Thar ya has it then...what the boys came up with over the weekend whilst they was a enjoy'n our counties festivities.
Be thankful fer ya many Bless'ns and enjoy family and friends. Makes some time this week in your busy schedules to attend church.
Remember, "In life there are many choices, fer eternity there is only two!"
Keep on Smile'n
Catch ya later