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The Wisdom Of Barnyard Bruke: "NEW GOLF RULES and COMMON SENSE OBITUARY"

Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill. Last Sunday shore had some slippery spots with the rain froze'n on the roads and all. Some was hope'n fer a bit warmer temperatures to avoid the ice, but it just didn't happen that-a-way.

Oh, the joys of January weather with all its surprises.

Spoof On New Federal Golf Rules

In response to last weeks column a reader brought in a spoof on new Federal Golf rules to make his point on his disdain fer current government policy.

It goes as follows: Recently reelected President B.H.O. has just appointed a Golf Czar who, under the President's direction, has changed the official rules of golf. The new rule changes will become effective March 1, 2013. The following is only a preview as the complete rule book (expected to run 2,716 pages) is currently being rewritten. Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:

The term "gimmie"will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

The new rules are intended to redistribute the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every player above an 18 handicap will post only "net score" against every other player's "gross score."

These new rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf since golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.

So, please remember, if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn't shoot it yourself! Someone else built that course, someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it, and someone else built the clubs and the cart. This means you need to share with everyone and anyone who made you a successful golfer.

Well, me will be jiggered. It's enterest'n what folks will put together to make a point, even though it be fiction on the lesson itself. Anyways, it'll be another point fer discussion at one of our "jaw'n" sessions.

It does however, bring to mind an obituary printed in the London Times, as was passed on to me by Luella Fudpucker-Elmer's wife. It goes as follows:

Obituary Of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun tan lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches were treated as businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers:

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Thar ya has it then, just as Luella presented it to me. I reckon the "Federal Golf Rules" and "The Death of Common Sense" makes some important points if'n ya has the ability to extrapolate them.

Otherwise, its probably important to not go out and kick your dog if'n the two examples disagrees with your line of think'n.

Hope'n to see youn's in church this weekend.

People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church. Don't wait fer six strong men to take ya ta church and remember God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Where ever ya is, what ever ya be a do'n, BE A GOOD ONE!

Keep on Smile'n

Catch ya Later