The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

The Wisdom of Barnyard Bruke: Farm Sales, Govt. Programs, Heaven or Hell?

Greeting to every one in Western Illinois and to all readers of the Quill.

I'm a hope'n ever one remembered to fall back their clock one hour Saturday night and by now has adjusted to standard time.

The farm animals around thee parts hardly seem to notice the time change.

Farm Sales

Shore seems to be a lot of farm real estate be'n sold around these parts and elsewheres, near year end. Some sez they are capitaliz'n on high land values before the market breaks. Others sez they are a taken their loot this year before the tax rate changes next year.

Whatever be the case, land values don't seem to be a back'in off any inspite of the drought. Time will tell how the markets hold.

Govt. Programs

A neighbor feller had to apply fer a new Social Security card recently because back in 1961 they abbreviated his first name and left off the middle initial.

Seems the Social Security was able to adequately take his money all them work'n years (over 50 years), but when it came time to give a little well deserved retirement money back they wouldn't do it.

After a great hassle he finally legalized who he was. Drivers license wouldn't do for identification. Temporarily he was a nobody as far as the Social Security Administration was concerned.

Finally, after a great effort, birth certificate and an additional clerical expense, he got his new card. On the back of the card it read "this card belongs to the Social Security Administration and you must return it if we ask for it." "Enterest'n", the neighbor said. "and you mean I've been carry'n a card all these years that belongs to somebody else?" I didn't want the card to begin with, I had to fund it all these years and as far as he was concerned they should have stuck that card where the sun don't shine instead of hav'n to carry someone else's callable card for them!

"Furthermore," he sez "this is the bunch that is now contoll'n my health care! May God have mercy on us all."

Election Results

With the election over by the time ya reads this column, Bill Jones shared an analogy with us fellers the other day.

Heaven or Hell?

While walk'in down the street one day a corrupt Senator was hit by a bus and died. His soul arrived in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven", sez St. Peter," before ya settles in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, ya see, so we're not sure what to do with ya."

"No problem, just let me in," sez the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have ya spend one day in hell and one in heaven, then ya can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?", I've already made up my mind. I wants to be in heaven," sez the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we has our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green course. In the distance is a clubhouse and stand'in in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good time they had while gett'n rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar, and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy, who is have'n a good time dance'n and tell'n jokes.

They are all have'n such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is a wait'n fer him, "now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joinin' a group of contented souls mov'in from cloud to cloud, play'in the harp and sing'in. They have a good time and before he realizes it once again, the 24 hours has gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Choose your eternity."

The Senator reflected for a minute, then he answers, "Hell, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, to hell....

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage and fire and brimstone ever where.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, pick'in up the trash and putt'in it in black bags as more trash comes flowin' in. Misery and anguish couldn't be worse. The devil came over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand", stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced, and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage, fire and brimstone, and my friends are in severe misery. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and sez, "Yesterday we were campaigning, today, you voted."

"Well, there ya have it them. We'll wait to see the results of this election," sez Bill Jones.

Where ever ya are, what ever ya is a do'n, be a good one!

Hope to see ya in church Sunday.

Keep on Smile'n

Catch ya later

Barnyard Bruke