The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings to ever one in western Illinois. I'm a hope'n this column finds ya all in good spirits.
The rain we had was shore enough needed. I can't remember when so many fields of stand'n crops has caught afire. A bean field fire I saw had very little left. Corn field fires at least has the ear on the ground to turn livestock onto. Of course, a feller might have to build some temporary electric fence to keep em corralled.
Bill Jones went down to Mississippi a few weeks ago to visit a friend. Whilst there he decided to visit the county courthouse to watch a trial that was take'n place.
Dure'n this trial, in a southern small-town, the prosecut'n attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Murphy, do you know me?"
Mrs. Murphy responded promptly, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a little boy, and quite frankly, you've been a great disappointment to me."
"You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think and act as if you're a big shot when in reality you haven't got the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, indeed, I do know you."
The lawyer was stunned to momentary silence. After gathering his composure and not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Murphy, do you know the defense attorney?" She again immediately replied, "Why, yes, I most certainly do. I've know Mr. Bradley since he was a wee bit of a youngster, too."
"He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire south. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney nearly died. The court room spectators were by this time aghast!
The preside'n judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet but convincing voice, said, "If'n either of you idiots ask her if'n she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
"Well, that's quite a story", sez Sandy Bob. "I've got one fer ya, to match from this summer from my trip to Ireland concern'n an Irish funeral."
A man was a leave'n a convenience store with his morn'in coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approach'n the nearby cemetery.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about fifty feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walk'n a faithful dog on a leash. Behind the dog, a short distance back, were at least 60-65 determined look'n men walk'n single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walk'n the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your obvious loss. This may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've lived in County Cork all my life and I've never seen a funeral like this one. Whose funeral is it"?
"My wifes", the man solemnly replied. "She yelled at me and my dog promptly attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.
Then sincerely the first man quietly asked, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Get in line."
I'm a hope'n those two yarns bring a little smile for you'ns and ever one will have a fruitful and joyful week.
Keep on Smile'n
Catch ya Later