The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
The Satirical Rumor Mill
Have you heard the latest rumor out of Chicago? Dusty wants to trade his entire Cubs team for the Burlington Bees team.
Burlington personnel have been contemplating the deal but request a box of batting practice balls and a dozen worn out bats thrown in to make it a deal. It sounds like a good idea to us Cardinal fans.
Speaking for the Cardinals, the latest rumor out of St. Louis is that Tony told his team to throw some games to the White Sox, Tigers and Indians so that it would appear that the American League was not over matched. That way the World Series, which of course the Cardinals will win, will appear to be competitive and attendance won't be hurt.
It appears that not only our country is becoming more polarized with the rich and poor, but smaller city markets (such as Pittsburgh, Kansas City, Minnesota Twins and Milwaukee) cannot compete with large city markets (New York, Chicago, L.A.).
The Cubs are an exception to the rule - they have sell outs and plenty of money, so what is their excuse?
Zambrano, the Cubs best pitcher and the only one who seems to be healthy most of the time, has to also be their best hitter at times. Some things are not explainable.
Another example is out President, George W. Bush, who still could be a part owner of the Texas Rangers and enjoying life instead of taking his daily bashing from the left and the news media. They seem to blame George W. for everything under the sun.
Some farmers in the Macomb area have been receiving decent rains but many have not. The rumor is it must be Bush's fault.
Remember when Mike Ditka was coach of the New Orleans Saints and traded all of his draft choices for the right to draft Ricky Williams?
If the Cubs can't swing a deal with the Burlington Bees, the rumor is they want to trade their entire team, plus manager, coaches, trainers, ball boys and complete farm system to the Cardinals for Albert Pujols. We had better think twice for that one. Remember what happened to Ricky. He got into drugs and is now out of the NFL.
One rumor that is rather disturbing is that I may get jailed for impersonating a journalist.
Not George W. But